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2016 Power Rankings-Playoffs 1
Introduction No, this is not the year a chick turns us all into a bunch of pussies. Is this the year Shotti wins back to back and owns 50% of the league trophies? Is this the year Joe’s autodrafted team makes playoffs and takes it all the way to the top? Is this the year Nate breaks the Even Year Curse? Is this the year Pat finally goes from worst to first? Is this the year Zach returns to championship glory? Or is this the year the commish reigns supreme in his own league once and for all? How did the year go by so quickly? Every year is faster and faster. When you're winning, a season seems like a second. When you're losing, a Monday Night Football game feels like a millenium. Well, the millenium is over. Six teams remain. Only one will be champion. Below is an expanded, jam-packed edition of the power rankings. I know most of you probably read them on your phones but the charts are often color coded as well, which does not appear on mobile devices. If you find them hard to read check them out on your computer instead. Who is going to step up and take down Shotti? Are we going to allow the Dark Ones to seep into our world and build an empire using Paddock 9 as a conduit? Is JarJar the real deal? Why do I keep asking questions? The Future is NOT Written Once again the Yahoo projections were way off. I'm not sure why any of us still get excited when we see that Yahoo has projected us to finish 13-0 and our worst enemy to finish 1-12. That never happens. Below is a prime example of why we should never trust the projections again. All Hail the Scoring King Shotti may not have finished first in the regular season, but he did set a new record for most points scored in a season with 3209.99. This beats out the previous record of 3142.46 set by ma ma momma said in 2014. Another L for Jared and another W for Shotti. Shotti has two seasons over 3,000 points scored and three seasons on the regular season scoring list. RIPDab, meanwhile, makes his mark at number 10 on the regular season scoring list with 2940.09. Highest Single-Season Points Against While we only had two teams joining the top ten regular season scoring list, we had a boat load of teams add their names to this unfortunate list. Shotti, while having the top scoring regular season ever, also had the second highest points against ever recorded in a single season (2947.45). They are not able to knock off GBM, who still holds the record for most points against. Papa’s Posse finishes with the third highest points against (2887.25). MVP finishes 7th with 2829.49 points against. Dee finishes 13th all-time in points against with 2788.68. Luck Had Nothing to do with it...Okay a Little to do with it. Garoppoblow Me finishes 3rd on the list of lowest single-season points against. HELLEVATOR MVP still owns that record. Best Day EVER! Final chart showing best and worst games, with Dee putting the icing on her cake of a season against Peeled Eggplant and taking a "Worst" away from GBM, which makes GBM feel better about himself. Trade Tracker Trade tracker is keeping us apprised of the ramifications of the trade between Paddock 9 and MMMS. In the first and third columns, the points scored by traded players in starting lineups (if they are benched, those points are not tallied). Per player average took the total points and divided by the total number of starts so far. For example, P9 has started Denver D five times and Landry thrice, so eight starts total. MMMS has gotten twelve starts out of the four acquired players. While I hate to say this was a waste of a trade for Paddock 9, I'm finding it difficult to understand why P9 would risk all those draft picks for a defense when there are plenty of high scoring defenses to stream on the open market, like RIPDab has demonstrated. With Landry being benched, he essentially traded away two insanely valuable keeper options and three mid-round picks for nothing. Points Per Week Well we saved the worst for last this season. Gronk got Run Over by a Mattdeer MattJinx update. No, I am not theorizing that I am the cause of Gronk’s back ailment. I am saying with 100% confidence that it is a fact that I am the cause of Gronk’s back ailment. For one, I think we all knew as soon as I drafted him that he would be unhealthy all season. But the straw that broke the Gronk’s back was that I wore my Gronk ugly sweater for the first time this season the night before Gronk took his final snaps of 2016. This is the very first time I have worn the Gronk ugly sweater. The very first time I have worn a Gronk shirt since February of 2012 when the Patriots lost the Super Bowl. When will I learn (answer: never). List of Finishes by year Parity Chart The team on the left beat the team on the right. It’s not as neat as a circle would be but what this basically says is any team is capable of beating any team on any given Sunday. ma ma momma said>Papa's Posse Papa's Posse>The Shotti Bunch The Shotti Bunch>Deez Sons of Bitchez Deez Sons of Bitchez>Peeled Eggplant Peeled Eggplant>RIPDab RIPDab>HELLEVATOR MVP HELLEVATOR MVP>Garoppoblow Me Garoppoblow Me>Paddock 9 Paddock 9>ma ma momma said Stat Notes *GBM becomes the fifth team to reach 16,000 regular season points scored. *The Shotti Bunch passes Papa’s Posse for 7th on the regular season scoring list. *RIPDab passes ma ma momma said for second on the regular season scoring list. *JarJar ties IAMGROOT in wins and passes them in regular season points scored. *MMMS becomes the first team to play 90 games in the league. *MMMS becomes the second team to reach 19,000 combined points scored. *Peeled becomes the fifth team to reach 18,000 combined points scored. *Papa’s Posse becomes the 8th team to reach 17,000 combined points scored. Who’s Hot, Who’s Not I am sure there are more complex and accurate ways to determine who the hottest team is headed into the post-season. But as in recent years, I’ve found my method is just as good at determining who has the best chance of winning it all. Here are the rankings of hottest to coldest teams based on the total points scored over the last three weeks. Last season The Shotti Bunch was the second hottest team and we all know how that ended up. Conversly, Papa's Posse was the hottest team and they finished 6th. GBM, the 6th hottest team, lost both of their post-season games. Dee, in 7th, was beaten by momma, in 5th. This season the two top teams are also the two hottest, with Papa's cold streak made evident by their miniscule point total. Draft Analysis Round 1 * Best Pick: David Johnson - 3rd (HELLEVATOR MVP) Ezekiel Elliott has been everything a first round running back should be and more. As a rookie there was no way to know with 100% certainty if he would be the first round force that RIP had hoped and he was. While this was a risky and brilliant pick at eight, he trails David Johnson by 45.15 fantasy points. As good as EZ has been, Johnson has simply been better. One has to wonder if David Johnson would be getting more notoriaty for his MVP caliber season if 1.) he played for a team that hasn’t completely imploded this season and 2.) if his name wasn’t one step above “John Doe” on the basic name scale. * Worst Pick: Adrian Peterson - 9th (ma ma momma said) After EZ comes EZ-ly the worst pick of the first round. With Gronk and Green both missing significant time and Hopkins and Gurley both becoming huge underperformers, the first round is riddled with picks many wish they could have again. But Peterson was perhaps the only pick that people knew momma would regret the second it happened. Peterson played two games and finished with under 12 points. Round 2 * Best Pick: Le’Veon Bell - 14th (Garoppoblow Me) Bell was the second gamble in a row for GBM after Gronk and this one paid off big time. Bell has kept up with the best of them after his three-game suspension, leading the league in average all-purpose yards per game. He is the one piece of the puzzle GBM cannot afford to lose. * Worst Pick: Alshon Jeffery - 20th (Peeled Eggplant) A slew of disappointing receivers went in the second round, including Allen Robinson and Brandon Marshall, neither of whom crack the top 50 W/R/T’s. And while Keenan Allen was truly the least productive due to his ACL tear, Jeffery stung the most. At least P9 could recover from the Allen injury. Jeffery was a cancer in the starting lineup for PE until his suspension for PEDs. Round 3 * Best Pick: LeSean McCoy - 30th (The Shotti Bunch) Shady is ranked 5th in RBs and was the 11th RB drafted. Drafted one pick before him? Eddie Lacy. This was also the round that Mike Evans, ranked 2nd among WRs, was drafted. Between those two, this round belonged to the Above-Average Joes. * Worst Pick: Jamaal Charles - 26th (Deez Sons of Bitchez) Drafted four picks before Shady McCoy, Charles once again royally screwed Dee. He scored 0.05 points in his last game played. Is Dee where RB careers go to die? She ended Marshawn Lynch’s career in 2015. Round 4 * Best Pick: DeMarco Murray - 39th (Paddock 9) Rawls, Martin, and Latavius Murray were taken before the former first round pick and with 366.33 points on the season Murray has been a top five steal of this entire draft. He could also be the most valuable keeper. * Worst Pick: Doug Martin - 35th (Deez Sons of Bitchez) The third and fourth were not kind to Dee, who followed up a terrible RB pick with a terrible RB pick. Martin has accumulated just 93.78, good for 9th of the ten taken in the fourth (Rawls the only one worse). However, take away the last four weeks and that number falls to 59.32. Round 5 * Best Pick: Matt Forte - 46th (Deez Sons of Bitchez) Rejoice! Only fair that we give credit to Dee for jumping on board the Jet bandwagon and drafting Matt Forte in the 5th. He is ranked 13th out of all RBs this season. * Worst Pick: Jeremy Langford - 47th (Paddock 9) The rest of the 5th was bleak, with nasty QBs like Carson Palmer and Russell Wilson as well as disappointing WRs such as Julian Edelman (week 13 excluded), Eric Decker and Randall Cobb. But again, at least Decker (the only player not on the field from this round) was a smart pick at the time. Jeremy Langford was never looking good. In week 12, Langford had 1 carry for 5 yards. Round 6 * Best Pick: Travis Kelce - 52nd (ma ma momma said) In a season with lackluster production from TEs, momma picked one of the only guys to stay healthy and moderately productive for the entire season. * Worst Pick: Michael Floyd - 58th (HELLEVATOR MVP) After Benjamin cooled down like a lit torch thrown into a freezing lake it seemed he would go from best pick to worst pick. But Floyd never got it going and was a low risk high reward that did not reap reward for MVP. Round 7 * Best Pick: Delanie Walker - 68th (RIPDab) Walker has been one of, if not THE best tight end this season and aside from the aforementioned Travis Kelce and the soon to be mentioned Jimmy Graham I’d say the competition isn’t even that close. * Worst Pick: Arian Foster - 64th (Jar Jar Stinks!) I never quite understood the analysis that Foster would be the RB1 for the Dolphins. He scored a whopping 25.78 fantasy points over a span of seven weeks and then retired. BUST. Round 8 * Best Pick: LeGarrette Blount - 76th (Papa’s Posse) TB12 or Drew Brees are the obvious choices here, but considering Brady missed four weeks and there is no surprise that he is playing at a typical TB12 level, and considering QBs are such stat monsters that most of the guys over 400FP this season weren’t even drafted, I’d say the biggest steal in the 8th was Blount. Blount, who seems to perpetually be in a contract year, has been a top ten back all season. * Worst Pick: Denver Defense - 72nd (ma ma momma said) Yes, Denver defense has been top five this season. But with so much player talent still out there, jumping on a defense this early is indefensible. Other candidates are Sterling Shepard, who never came through as the rookie phenom he was promised to be, and Duke Johnson Jr. Round 9 * Best Pick: Michael Crabtree - 88th (RIPDab) Despite his recent drought (again, week 13 excluded), Crab to the Tree has had an explosive season with Carr at QB and would have been considered a decent pick even as early as the 4th or 3rd round. * Worst Pick: Zach Ertz - 84th (JarJar Stinks!) Round 9 was a tight end-palooza, with five TE’s drafted. Most of them were disappointments of varying degrees but none as much as Ertz. The best tight end drafted in this round was also the last TE drafted, Martellus Bennett. Ertz has come on of late but for most of the season this guy was a dud. Round 10 * Best Pick: Melvin Gordon - 91st (The Shotti Bunch) The Woodhead handcuff came through tenfold with the biggest surprise RB performance of the year and one of (if not number one) the best keeper prospects of the draft. Gordon is the league’s 3rd ranked back. * Worst Pick: Dwayne Allen - 94th (Garoppoblow Me) With Gronk on the bucket, Allen was simply an emergency starter who turned out to not even be worth that. He was being outscored on the season by a guy named Doyle until his three TD performance Monday night. Aside from that he has been a massive disappointment. Round 11 * Best Pick: Arizona Defense - 110th (The Shotti Bunch) This is a candidate for worst round in the draft, and in it TSB picked up one of the league’s best fantasy defenses. * Worst Pick: Chris Ivory - 101st (Peeled Eggplant) The actual worst pick is Stephen Gostkowski (DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THIS MOTHER FUCKER), but don’t forget that Jar Jar autodrafted. Therefore, it goes to the conscious decision to draft Ivory. Ivory was hit with a mystery illness and has not been the same since. Round 12 * Best Pick: Jimmy Graham - 11th (The Shotti Bunch) While the league was playing checkers, TSB was playing chess. In these late rounds, Shotti began sweeping the floors with our terrible decisions. Graham was a top five TE this season after being a gigantic bust for GBM in 2015. * Worst Pick: Corey Coleman - 114th (Garoppoblow Me) Coleman was a gamble, especially as a Brown’s wide receiver. And he had a great start to the season, looking to be a steal and certified fresh keeper. Then he broke his hand and has been quiet upon his return to the terrible Browns offense. Round 13 * Best Pick: Isaiah Crowell - 128th (RIPDab) The two best picks in this round were so good that the guys drafting them didn’t realize how good they were. Crowell has scored double digits in 9 of his 12 games. Steve Smith Sr. has also been a great flex threat. Both were dropped by the teams that drafted them. * Worst Pick: C.J. Spiller - 127th (Garoppoblow Me) Luckily for GBM, they were able to nab the “best” pick of the 13th round off free agency to replace this ridiculously dumb decision. Round 14 * Best Pick: Tevin Coleman - 133rd (RIPDab) In a round where three kickers and two defenses were drafted, RIP came in with a great RB steal one round after taking another RB steal. He was smart enough to not let go of this integral part of the Falcon’s offense. His injury aside, Coleman has been a great asset for a number of RIP wins. * Worst Pick: Justin Forsett - 137th (JarJar Stinks!) Forsett has been a man without a country for most of 2016 and JarJar would have been better off autodrafting an empty roster spot. Round 15 * Best pick: Rishard Matthews - 144th (JarJar Stinks!) How did no one else see this one coming? The clear top receiver for Tennessee, Matthews is the ONLY Titan WR owned in the LoC. Honorable mention goes to Dion lewis. Paddock 9 drafted him instead of a kicker and moved him into the IR spot immediately following the draft. A smart move but we’ll see if Lewis proves to be a reliable player down the stretch and into next season. * Worst Pick: Laquon Treadwell - 149th (ma ma momma said) This is a close one because Brock Osweiler might be one of the worst picks ever. But Brock was dropped moments after the draft for Matt Ryan. Treadwell was just a waste. He didn’t have a catch until like two weeks ago. Round 16 * Best Pick: Michael Thomas - 154th (Garoppoblow Me) GBM made multiple gambles throughout this draft and only one truly paid off, but it paid off big time. Thomas is the league’s 18th ranked wide receiver with 221.30 FPs this season and is the clear number one guy for the Saints passing attack. He is a definite keeper barring any changes to his health during the off season and was the best bargain of the year. * Worst Pick: Oakland Defense - 159th (Paddock 9) You could have thrown a dart and hit a better late round defensive pick than Oakland, one of a half dozen teams you knew would have no chance at stopping an offense come the start of the year. They had a combined 2 fantasy points in their first two weeks. Best Draft - The Shotti Bunch Shotti leads the league in points from drafted players. He had a strong start but really picked it up in the later rounds. Once again, TSB has created the strongest ground attack in the league while also sneakily drafting the best TE unit of the year. Let’s not leave out that he managed to grab TB12 and go 3-1 in his absence. Worst Draft - Paddock 9 Despite being able to recover with free agent pickups and trades, P9 left himself vulnerable early in the year with a very weak draft. While his first four rounds were among the strongest in the league, the remaining twelve provided very few tools with which to pave the road to success. He could not get any production out of his defense and lost his top WR early with an ACL tear. P9 is 10th in the league in points from drafted players and trails The Shotti Bunch in that category by close to 100 fantasy points per game. However, one strong player at WR and RB (Jones and Murray) kept P9 in the race while they rebuilt their roster from the IR spots up. They may have had the weakest drafts but had a great year in free agency. The Rankings 1(2). The Shotti Bunch * Bench Points - 64.98 * TPS - 335.15 * APT - 5-3 * GOT - 13 * PUTenP - 1 * POTweP - 6 * 2015 Playoff 1 Ranking - 1 If it seems like every year Shotti becomes more of a threat it’s because he does. The far ahead favorite to win it all yet again, Shotti has not skipped a beat since losing AJ Green. Most teams lose like 20 FP per game when they lose their star player. Somehow he has gained points per game. His biggest problem is having six RB1s on his fucking team and only four spots to play them. What will it take to beat him? It may take a player going down mid-game like earlier this season for anyone to topple the beast. Or murder. I don't condone murder but if he happened to be taken care of... ---- 2(1). Garoppoblow Me * Bench Points - 50.04 * TPS - 274.40 * APT - 5-3 * GOT - 11 * PUTenP - 3 * POTweP - 5 * 2015 Playoff 1 Ranking - 5 The best record ever for GBM should inspire confidence. But the TE spots are a clear disaster and there are some difficult defensive matchups to choose from down the road. MacDonald had 4 points and still lead 49ers in targets with four. Hopefully Brate is the solution. Meanwhile, Minnesota faces Indy and Green Bay weeks 15 and 16 while KC faces Tennessee and Denver. The bye week was earned, despite the easy record, but also much needed. You may be wondering why GBM has three of the top six QBs in the league right now. Me being GBM I can answer that question. If your QB goes down I don’t want you to have any options heading into your matchup with me. Paranoia at it's finest. ---- 3(4). JarJar Stinks * Bench Points - 60.50 * TPS - 264.88 * APT - 3-5 * GOT - 9 * PUTenP - 2 * POTweP - 4 * 2015 Playoff 1 Ranking - 7 GBM and TSB have been on fire these last three weeks but Jar Jar has been keeping pace. JJ is the only team besides RIP and GBM to finish 3-1, with a really good performance in the loss against Shotti. JarJar improved by one win over last season and maybe it is time to take this team seriously. JarJar has the 7th best QB, the 2nd and 4th best WRs, and the 5th best defense. They face their toughest challenge yet in their first playoff game: HELLEVATOR MVP. The one team they have never been able to beat. ---- 4(3). RIPDab * Bench Points - 13.30 * TPS - 214.05 * APT - 2-4 * GOT - 8 * PUTenP - 3 * POTweP - 4 * 2015 Playoff 1 Ranking - 3 This game effectively acted as the bye for RIP, who did not lose any ground in the standings and had no chance at gaining ground on Shotti heading into the week. Still, not the best look going into the playoffs with yet another loss to a playoff team, bringing their final regular season record to 2-4. Coleman has been back for two weeks now but you'd never know. He has been very quiet and touchdownless, with Freeman taking the goal line carries. The good news is that Crab to the Tree seems to be back to his dominant self with back to back 22-plus point games. RIPDab open against an equally cocky and confident version of themselves in Paddock 9. If they win, a date in the semifinals is set with the tenant who lives upstairs in Nate's brain: The Shotti Bunch. ---- 5(6). HELLEVATOR MVP * Bench Points - 64.50 * TPS - 266.39 * APT - 3-4 * GOT - 9 * PUTenP - 1 * POTweP - 3 * 2015 Playoff 1 Ranking - 9 If going 2-3 in your last five games, with all three losses being to playoff teams, being 5th in TPS in that span and being 7th in points scored over the last three weeks isn’t backing into the postseason, I don’t know what is. Being the highest scoring loser doesn’t count for shit in fantasy, just ask Mike Wolfe (little cross-fantasy league humor there for ya). MVP also could not keep up the pace required to hit 17,000 total regular season points, but will for sure be the first to reach the milestone week one of 2017. But they have playoff experience and will not go down easy to JarJar, the team they have owned for the last two seasons. ---- 6(5). Paddock 9 * Bench Points - 44.48 * TPS - 233.40 * APT - 5-4 * GOT - 7 * PUTenP - 4 * POTweP - 5 * 2015 Playoff 1 Ranking - 10 Paddock 9 has played the most games against playoff teams, with all four of their double-date opponents making the playoffs. And despite what they may tell themselves this team has NOT played well the last two weeks. They will need to get back over 200 if they want to get to the semi’s and get a third game against GBM. Speaking of which, this was a little poetic justice for Garoppoblow Me. Earlier in the season GBM proposed a trade that P9 quickly rejected, saying it was “trade rape.” The trade was KC defense and LaTavius Murray for James White and Cole Beasley. Not only that but GBM was offering them a higher draft pick! Instead they dumped all their mid-round picks in a trade with MMMS for a defense that has been great but not significantly better than KC, and a WR who has been benched the last two weeks. Meanwhile, Murray put up 33.55 points, Beasley put up a season low 4.70 and James White isn’t even on the team. If P9 had accepted the trade not only would they have LaTavius Murray but they’d still have Jay Ajayi and a top five defense. ---- 7(9). Peeled Eggplant * Bench Points - 13.88 * TPS - 195.94 * APT - 2-5 * GOT - 7 * PUTenP - 3 * POTweP - 5 * 2015 Playoff 1 Ranking - 8 MEANWHILE! In the dregs of the league. We had a real heavyweight fight going on between Peeled Eggplant and Dee, with defenses trading negative points like right and left hooks all weekend. At one point it looked like both defenses would end with totals below zero. I honestly don’t understand how the two highest projected teams completely collapsed, but that’s what happened. Now poor Antonio Brown is destined to rot in the consolation round instead of helping lead a team to a championship. ---- 8(10). Ma ma momma said * Bench Points - 65.77 * TPS - 234.69 * APT -1-7 * GOT - 5 * PUTenP - 4 * POTweP - 4 * 2015 Playoff 1 Ranking - 2 Hate it or love it, the playoffs will not be the same this season without momma. MMMS has been a staple in the postseason, finishing no worse than 3rd each year from 2012-2016. He has more top 3 finishes than five teams have playoff appearances. I have no doubt that they will be back in competition next season, especially with the extra three draft picks in the first ten rounds. ---- 9(8). Papa’s Posse * Bench Points - 87.46 * TPS - 234.98 * APT - 3-6 * GOT - 6 * PUTenP - 6 * POTweP - 1 * 2015 Playoff 1 Ranking - 4 Now I know where I get it from! I guess part of me understands why Papa’s Posse would bench their best and most consistent player. After all, it wasn’t that long ago that I benched my top scoring WR. Maybe I just hoped Papa would learn from my mistakes, but like how great wars once fought are doomed to be fought again, history in benching wins is doomed to repeat itself. Blount’s 30 points could have saved this team from utter embarrassment but alas, this season has been one L after another for Papa. ---- 10(7). Deez Sons of Bitchez * Bench Points - 91.83 * TPS - 211.56 * APT - 2-6 * GOT - 6 * PUTenP - 5 * POTweP - 1 * 2015 Playoff 1 Ranking - 6 The collapse is at last complete. On the same night that the Jets were eliminated from the playoffs, Deez Sons of Bitchez also saw her season snuffed out. Not only could her boyfriend not help her out by beating a team drafted blindly by a computer program, but she pulled a Stan Marsh and puked all over herself anyway. There’s not showing up and then there is whatever the hell Dee did. She just barely manages to escape going into the history books with her 119 point performance. The tenth lowest regular season score of all time is 118.23. When Dee hit 3-0 and was thinking bye, I don’t think this is the bye week she had in mind. From first to worst in one season like you read about. Quarterfinal Matchups HELLEVATOR MVP vs. JarJar Stinks! *Record: 3-0 (Advantage: MVP) *2016 Record: 2-0 MVP has the playoff experience and the 2014 trophy as proof that he can take it all the way. But JarJar has been a man on fire of late and comes in with the better performance over the last month. Could this game come down to who MVP starts at QB? Could it be that Dez Bryant has another off night against the Giants like earlier this season? How good is that KC defense going to be on Thursday night? Can they stop Cooper? Can Dallas stop Beckham? MVP has felt slighted all season, but every time they call out the Commish they proceed to lose their next game. If they want to prove that they belong in the playoffs, they'll win this week and knock off the autodrafted Autobot. ---- Paddock 9 vs. RIPDab *Record: 3-4 (Advantage: Paddock 9) *2016 Record: 1-0 (Advantage: Paddock 9) Both of these teams are convinced that they are the greatest in the league but after Monday one of them will be fighting to finish 5th while the other goes on to try and win a trophy. Neither team has shown the consistency this season to win three in a row but both have explosive teams capable of hitting 300 at any moment. The Cowboys have one loss this season and it's against the Giants, who they face this Sunday. Will Dak and EZ be ready? If you are Paddock 9, who do you root for? Denver defense to shut out the Titans, or DeMarco Murray to score three TDs? These two teams have never faced in the playoffs. Paddock 9 has never made it beyond the first round. If the Fantasy Gods truly are all powerful, as I believe they are, they will forgive RIPDab and demolish Paddock 9 in this game.